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fanfic: Plans - athene
fanfic: Plans
Just a little fun with Connor. 

Title: Plans
Author: Athene
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing/characters: Connor, Cutter, Stephen, Abby, (blink and you miss it Connor/Abby)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Not mine. ITV and Impossible Pictures own them
Word count: approx 2000
Summary: written as a birthday present for my regular proof-reader, in response to a challenge to write a fic containing the words 'sprong', 'coalesce', and a cake.


         Like so many of Connor’s insane plans, this one most definitely fell into the category of ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’.

            To be fair, at the time there had been a large predatory creature on the loose, Ryan and his men weren’t on the scene yet, and Cutter had been yelling, “Distract it!” while trying to protect the injured Stephen.

            Which was how Connor found himself being chased down a moonlit suburban street on a stolen bicycle with a ten foot tall, flightless, carnivorous terror bird in hot pursuit.

            It made a noise like a half squawk, half shriek, and lunged at his backpack for the millionth time. Connor swerved violently on the bike, hit the kerb, wobbled a truly disturbing amount, but somehow managed to stay both upright and moving. And not eaten. All plus points as far as he was concerned.

            Where were the others? If he was ‘Team Distraction’ (although ‘Team Bait’ actually seemed more appropriate) then surely ‘Team Guns and a Sensible Plan’ couldn’t be far behind? They weren’t going to abandon him, right?

            Abby’s voice shouting his name suddenly seemed worryingly far behind.

            The terror bird lunged at him again and Connor was lifted bodily into the air, suspended from the straps of his backpack, and still clutching the bike, pedalling in mid air like that kid in E.T. He panicked, and in his mad flailing managed to hit the police siren on the bike’s handlebars. Connor wasn’t sure who was more shocked by the resulting noise – him or the bird. He suspected he had uttered a particularly unmanly yelp, but on the plus side no one had heard him because the bird was squawking very loudly indeed, but more importantly let go of him. Connor crashed back down to earth and again by some miracle managed to defy gravity and keep the bike going. Between the siren and the bird and the crashing he was fairly certain that half the street would be waking up and coming to their windows any second. In the interests of national security and not getting yelled at by Claudia, Connor pedalled even faster.

            This was insane. He couldn’t keep this up for much longer. He was going to crash, or get tired, or fall off in a really embarrassing way. The bike had seemed like a really good idea when he had found it abandoned in the third garden he ran through, although it was now becoming clear that the bike was actually designed for someone who was about eleven. Which was kind of ironic given that the last time Connor had ridden a bicycle he had been about eleven. Funny how the threat of instant death brought it all back.

            Connor saw a sign flash past and in that moment formed a plan. The bird was practically breathing down his neck when he hit the turnoff and did a handbrake spin to the right at full speed.

            He wasn’t expecting the chain link fence. At the last second he ditched sideways off the bike and skidded to a halt on the gravel path. The bike, however, had momentum on its side and crashed into the gate.


            Connor wasn’t entirely sure which part of the bike had make that noise as it broke, but he was fairly certain that it wasn’t going to be fit for riding again any time soon. He got to his feet and started to climb over the chain link gate that formed the entranceway to Sudbury Allotments. Because allotments meant gardening equipment, which meant potential improvised weapons.

            He fell over the top of the gate as the bird ran into it. Connor skidded backwards along the path, breathing heavily and for the first time getting a good look at the creature. It was like a really enormous ostrich, only with bigger talons on its feet, and a more muscular upper body, and a disturbingly sharp beak that was as long as Connor’s arm. And carnivorous. In fact, he reflected, it wasn’t really like an ostrich at all.

            The bird shook its head, recovering from going face first into the gate, and glared at Connor. It stalked forwards and investigated the chain link, nibbled one a little. Connor’s breathing was starting to return to normal as he figured the bird couldn’t get at him. Score one for opposable thumbs.

            The bird suddenly started to rip at the wire with its beak and Connor heard the links breaking.

            He got up and ran.

            There was a row of sheds at the far side of the allotments and Connor raced for them. He tried three doors before finding one that wasn’t padlocked, but even then it took him ages to pry and kick all the bolts loose. The sounds of angry squawking and snapping wire continued behind him. Connor yanked the shed door open and nearly got hit in the face by a rake. He quickly surveyed the interior, and grabbed the nearest shovel. He hefted it, wondering briefly how hard he would need to hit the terror bird to even make a dent.

            Somewhere in the back of his mind Connor could hear Cutter’s lecturing voice saying they should only harm these creatures if absolutely necessary. Cutter wouldn’t be pleased if Connor had to beat the bird with a shovel, even if it was in the interests of self defence. He needed an alternative. He looked up at the shed. It looked pretty sturdy. It was certainly big enough.

            Abruptly, all of Connor’s whirling thoughts coalesced into a plan so brilliant he realised he was grinning like mad. Okay, it was a plan stolen almost entirely from a ten year old kid in a Michael Crichton book, but the others didn’t need to know that. And if it worked it would prove to Cutter once and for all that he was both useful and competent.

            If it worked.

            He dropped the shovel and dived into the shed, twisting the backpack off as he moved. He opened the pack and upended the contents in the middle of the shed floor. Pepperoni pizza, Chinese chicken wings, spicy cocktail sausages, ice cream, and a very small chocolate cake. He had been on his way home from the supermarket when he got the call about a creature sighting, and what with all the running around and creature hunting, everything he had bought was ever so slightly not-chilled any more. And had started to smell. Which was precisely why his ‘Team Bait’ plan had worked quite as well as it did. He tore through the film wrapping on the meat products and tipped them out, just to make sure the bird got the full scent. It was a shame really; he’d been looking forward to eating that lot.

            It suddenly occurred to Connor that the sound of squawking and tearing had stopped. He ran out of the shed and saw the bird stooping to squeeze through the hole it had made. Connor dragged the shed door as wide open as it would go, and then threw himself round the side of the building and pressed flat against the wall.

            Now that the bird was stalking his way, a thousand panicked thoughts jostled for attention. What if the bird could smell him more than the meat? What if it didn’t like spicy food? What if it preferred its food still moving? What if… what if… what if?

            The bird hesitated at the door to the shed. It sniffed the air, clicked its beak. Connor didn’t breathe. Didn’t move. Hell, he was trying really hard not to even think in case it noticed. The bird stepped into the shed. He heard it step forward, further in.

            Just one more step, please, he silently begged.

            It took another step toward the food, its talons clicking on the wooden floorboards.

            Connor hurled himself round the corner and against the door. It slammed shut, and his fingers scrabbled frantically at one of the bolts. There was an almighty squawk from inside and suddenly the bird rammed into the door. It opened a fraction before Connor’s weight pushed it shut again. He couldn’t get the bolt closed. Every time he almost had it the bird managed to force the door open again. He gave up on the bolt and just braced himself against the door as the bird battered the other side.


            He looked up and saw Abby, Cutter and Stephen, apparently not so injured after all, climbing through the hole in the fence and running towards him. Connor would have breathed a sigh of relief, if he hadn’t still been trying to hold back an enraged terror bird. At last, the cavalry was here. And they did indeed have guns. Or at least, one really big tranquiliser gun. Connor hoped they would also have a sensible plan.

            “It’s in there,” Connor jerked his head at the door behind him, although the warning was a touch redundant what with the banging and the squawking coming from inside.

             Cutter quickly helped him brace the door while he issued the Sensible Plan. It was pretty much like all of Cutter’s other plans, and involved Stephen shooting the creature before Ryan arrived and decided to use a slightly more lethal method. On the count of three, Connor and Cutter yanked the door open and dived out of the way. Stephen shot it, Abby on standby next to him with extra tranquiliser ammo if he needed another shot. But one was all it took. The bird had been about to ram the door again, and flew headfirst out when the door was no longer there. It tripped over the slight step and landed in an ungainly heap in the dirt, allowing Stephen to put the shot in exactly the right place for maximum effect.

            There was a brief moment of standing around and breath-holding while the bird twitched. Then it was finally still, and yet again Connor had that moment of post-adrenaline-rush near death experience realisations that he was still alive, and likely to remain that way for a while longer.

            Then Abby pounced on him.

            “You’re alive!” she confirmed his earlier suspicions. “We were worried something had happened to you.”

             Connor was too busy being hugged to reply, and he enjoyed the moment while he could. Maybe the night wasn’t a total loss after all.

            When Abby finally let go, Cutter patted his shoulder.

            “Nice work.” It was as close as the professor ever got to a compliment, but to Connor it felt like the guy had just given him a Nobel Prize.

            “Connor, what’s all this stuff?” Stephen was standing over the pile of pungent savouries in the shed.

            “I was planning a party. It’s my birthday tomor-” he glanced at his watch. It was gone midnight. “Today, actually.”

            Some birthday. He’d been chased, nearly eaten, and all the food he’d bought – which represented the last of this month’s student loan - was now completely inedible. And as for the party, Abby was the only one he’d even told about it, so it was less a party and more a pile of food and probably a DVD or two.

            “Celebrate later. Right now we still have to find the anomaly this creature came through.” Might have known Cutter wasn’t the partying type.

            “You know,” Abby said carefully, eying the food and the shed and the bird. “This reminds of that bit in the kitchen in Jurass-”

“So,” Connor interrupted loudly. “Anomaly hunting. Let’s go find the anomaly, send this feller back through, and make sure it’s all safe and secure.”

“What if we can’t find the anomaly?” Stephen pointed out. “It could be anywhere. It could be closed already. What do we do with this thing then?”

Connor glanced back at the terror bird and grinned. “Anyone fancy a really, really big KFC?”



43 comments or Leave a comment
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fredbassett From: fredbassett Date: July 11th, 2007 07:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Lovely, lovely fun romp!

Particularly enjoyed the line about not getting on the wrong side of Claudia and the "It was pretty much like all of Cutter’s other plans, and involved Stephen shooting the creature before Ryan arrived and decided to use a slightly more lethal method." line. Wonderful. Also loved the last line!

Definitely Fun-Fic :) Thanks.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: July 11th, 2007 08:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Excellent, glad you liked it.

My proof reader was also a fan of the bit about about not getting yelled at by Claudia. And after the whole of episode 5 I just couldn't resist the bit about Cutter's plans.

I struggled for ages to get a fun last line for this fic (finishing on a decent last line is the bane of all my fic writing). I'm glad it finally worked.
telperion_15 From: telperion_15 Date: July 11th, 2007 07:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Love it, love it, love it! And how much do I love Connor? (Answer: a lot!)

Where were the others? If he was ‘Team Distraction’ (although ‘Team Bait’ actually seemed more appropriate) then surely ‘Team Guns and a Sensible Plan’ couldn’t be far behind? They weren’t going to abandon him, right?

This is absolutely my favourite bit! Although there are many more than come a close second!

Mem, mem, mem.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: July 11th, 2007 08:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. I take it you're a Connor fan, then? *grin*

I really enjoyed writing this one, it was such fun trying to get into Connor's head, and you can just see him doing something like that - part brave and part completely mad.

In fact, there should be more Connor fic. Should we start a campaign for more Connor fic?

Erm, I think I'm being dumb here. What's "mem"?
master_kogane From: master_kogane Date: July 11th, 2007 09:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
E.T. and Jurassic Park references make me happy. <3
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: July 11th, 2007 10:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. It's so wonderfully easy and in character to get lots of pop culture and film references in when you're writing Connor, because he's such a film geek. But he's a loveable geek.
rodlox From: rodlox Date: July 12th, 2007 02:33 am (UTC) (Link)
excellent. supremely excellent.

I don't know why, but I thought for sure it would be Cutter (or Stephen) who'd see the Jurassic Park paralels.

I can imagine the sequel..."Score one for opposable thumbs!" "Actually, Phonorocos had opposable middle fingers." ;)
(assuming that that's the terror bird you meant)

okay, I saw two Connor/Abby, one Cutter/Stephen (exceedingly faint), and one Cutter/Connor (mostly because I first thought it was Cutter interupting Abby - but it makes sense with Connor interupting her: he doesn't want Cutter less than impressed with him)
oi, did I just think in a slashy manner?

ps: you gave me a plot bunny.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: July 12th, 2007 07:28 am (UTC) (Link)

It was a bit of a shot in the dark having Abby see the Jurassic Park bit. Maybe Cutter never got that far in the book because he put it down in disgust at all the dinosaur factual inaccuracies?

It wrote this ages ago and can't quite remember, but I *think* I meant the bird to be either a gastornis or a titanis (may have got that name wrong). I can't remember which one was the biggest.

"oi, did I just think in a slashy manner?"

Yep, you did. Welcome to the gutter. It's fun down here *grin*.

I gave you a plot bunny? Intrigued...
seraphina_snape From: seraphina_snape Date: July 12th, 2007 06:00 am (UTC) (Link)
No time for a real review, but let me say this: so. much. love! ♥

I really, really liked this. Connor ftw!

~ sera
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: July 12th, 2007 07:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, nice to know you enjoyed it.

Connor is just so much fun, and *so* the best character to have random prehistoric creature madness with.
mysteriousaliwz From: mysteriousaliwz Date: March 2nd, 2008 12:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Like so many of Connor’s insane plans, this one most definitely fell into the category of ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’.

Oh Connor, so adorable :D

Really fun fic. Nice one :)
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 2nd, 2008 11:13 am (UTC) (Link)
I see you're still working through the back-list then? Thanks for commenting. This one was so much fun to write. I keep wishing there was more comedy gen-fic, expecially with the massive amount of angst and slash stuf that's being posted recently.

And you're right. Connor is so adorable.
From: (Anonymous) Date: April 4th, 2008 06:37 pm (UTC) (Link)


I've only recently been introduced to Primeval, which I'm enjoying, and I love this fic!
Conner is my favorite and I really love the insight into Conner's lovely, twisted, bizarre, geeky, mind.
Write more!
My only complaint is that there wasn't more about his birthday.Its probably been a REALLY long time since this was written, but, there should be more.
I want a Conner birthday fic!
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: April 4th, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: fantastic!

Thanks, glad you liked it. I thik I wrote this nearly a year ago - god that's scary.

If you like Connor fun gen-fic, I have a fic master list at the top of my my lj which has several Connor centric drabbles, most of them are a quick bit of silly fun.
dodochicky From: dodochicky Date: August 23rd, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Two thumbs up for opposable thumbs!

Ohhh, that was brilliant! You totally captured Connor's character as well as handing us an exciting adventure scene. YAY you!

I can see a scene like this fitting neatly (and perfectly) into the series, hunny. i'm now off to read more non-slash works. :D
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 23rd, 2008 11:33 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Two thumbs up for opposable thumbs!

Heehee, thanks. It's over a year since I posted this one, and it's always nice when people find the old fics and comment on them.

And there should definitely be more Connor gen-fics. There aren't enough.

Hmmm, if you don't like slash you might not find a whole lot of fic to read, unfortunately. Are you a fan of Connor/Abby het? If so I can probably recommend some stuff, but I'm really struggling to think of much gen-fic right now.
aelfgyfu_mead From: aelfgyfu_mead Date: November 27th, 2008 06:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Score one for opposable thumbs.

Team Guns and a Sensible Plan
Yeah--among them all they can about manage that. Not all the plans have been awfully sensible, though!

I hope the others gave Connor a birthday party to make up for it all!
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: November 27th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heehee, I think most of their 'plan' aren't so much 'planned' and more 'made up on the fly' sometimes!

Poor Connor, having his birthday ruined like that. Maybe Abby took him home and bought pizza or something to make up for it.
knitekat From: knitekat Date: August 11th, 2009 09:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Loved it.. could just imagine Connor doing this. Loved so much, from the not getting on the wrong side of Claudia to Connor remembering the last time he was on a bike, all his thoughts as he was team bait to the KFC at the end and lots in between.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 11th, 2009 09:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
hee, thanks. Connor is such fun to get into this kind of mad situation, and I enjoyed writing his thoughts with all the film references.
fredbassett From: fredbassett Date: August 28th, 2009 07:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOL, that certainly stands up to another read! I laughed at all the same lines that amused me originally. Shows my tastes don't change much!
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 28th, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
hee, Connor slapstick is kind of eternal really.
fififolle From: fififolle Date: August 28th, 2009 07:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw!! What a hugely funny, action-packed, very-Connor story, and his birthday food! OMG I want to hug him! The bike was a pure stroke of genius, what a great image. Team Bait, *snort*. And it not being like an ostrich at all, LMAO.
Great fic :D Thanks for choosing it!
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 28th, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
hee, thanks. Poor Connor, he does get himself into some scrapes, and Ryan wasn't even around to rescue him this time. But the boy does do good improvising when he needs to.
lukadreaming From: lukadreaming Date: August 28th, 2009 07:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is such fun! It's so Connor -- and I adore the image of him on the bike!
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 28th, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I did like the idea of Connor on the bike being chased. It seemed so... Connor-ish!
bella_farfalla From: bella_farfalla Date: August 28th, 2009 07:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Haha that was brilliant, loads of fun and definitely sounds like the way Connor thinks. :D

deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 28th, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks, Connor is such fun, and surprisingly easy to get inside his head. You can just imagine him panicking about completely random things like what Claudia and Cutter are going to say even as he's running for his life!
szychogirl From: szychogirl Date: August 28th, 2009 09:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
This was Connor-i-fic! lol

Absolutely delightful! Anytime I get to burst out into laughter is time well spent. The entire piece was enjoyable, 'Team Bait' really made me giggle! And I didn't miss the blink of connor/abby which made it all the better.

Bravo! :D
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 28th, 2009 09:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
heehee, yey, glad it made you laugh. Humour is always so diffcult to nail, so it's always good when it works. Connor does make such good bait, though *grin*
43 comments or Leave a comment
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