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fanfic: Need - athene
fanfic: Need

Title: Need

Author: Athene

Fandom: Primeval

Paring/characters: Nick/Connor,

Rating: 18

Warnings: slash, violent sex, dubious consent.

Spoilers: all of series 2, especially 2.7

Disclaimer: Not mine. ITV and Impossible Pictures own them.

Word count: approx 550

AN: Follows on from The Substitute. 


                Nick had thought he was doing okay.

Things had got better after that first time, when Connor had shown up on his doorstep and offered ‘whatever you need’ to help him deal with this new world. Even though Nick himself had been shocked and a little frightened by what he had almost done to the young man, Connor had shown no such feelings. In fact, he continued to come round whenever he believed that Nick might have had a bad day, usually bearing alcohol, always carrying an unspoken offer in those expressive brown eyes. An offer that Nick had always resisted, no matter how much he wanted it.  

            Then Stephen died.

            The night after the funeral Connor turned up on the doorstep, unbidden, and asked the question, “What do you need?”

            Four simple words, loaded with such complicated promise.

            And that night Nick had taken what he needed. He had taken Connor. He had taken the compassion and the comfort and the support that Connor offered, and in return he had poured his grief and his rage and his pain into the younger man.

            That might have been it, it might have been enough. But Connor came back again the next night, and the next, and any night from then onwards when he believed that Nick would need him.

            So Nick continued to take whatever he needed.

            On some level he knew it was wrong and selfish. Connor’s own grief was always there, just below the surface. And yet he continued to offer, even when Nick’s pain was translated into blood and bruises, even when Nick could see the silent tears. Always silent.

            Today had been particularly bad. They had cleared out Stephen’s office in the day. In the evening, Connor had come round, as Nick had known he would.

            For the first time, though, Nick saw more than just the silent offer in Connor’s eyes. He saw the tiniest hint of something else, and if he was being honest with himself he knew what that thing was. But he wasn’t being honest, and he was too consumed by his own pain to dare ask himself the questions that he should have asked long ago; why did Connor let him do this? How far would he let it go before he said ‘no’?

            So Nick held him down and fucked him over and over, until he knew there would be bruises on top of the ones that hadn’t yet faded from the last time. Chasing that precious moment of oblivion, when he didn’t have to feel anything any more. Taking every last drop of Connor’s humanity, just as Stephen’s death had taken his own. Taking everything that he thought he needed. Even though he knew it was destroying both of them.

            Afterwards, Connor lay there shaking, his hands bunched into fists hiding the tears that Nick knew were there, stifling his desperate sobs. 

Nick could only watch, hoping that one day, one of them would be strong enough to say no.  


29 comments or Leave a comment
fredbassett From: fredbassett Date: March 24th, 2008 06:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ouch. Bloody ouch. Poor Connor. Poor Nick.

That was a really painful scene, in more ways that one.

You really are breaking the boys today, hon.

But I still enjoyed it, even though part of me thinks I shouldn't like it when they're this broken, but I have something of a dub-con kink, I'm afraid, and this hit that particular spot.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 24th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm really not sure where that particular fic came from. The plot bunny bit me one day last week and wouldn't let go until I'd written it. I know we share a liking for this sort of kink, and I love reading the stuff, but I don't normally write it, so this was a bit strange for me.

I'm sure I'll be back to writing comedy Connor fluff before too long.

*patches Connor up and huggles him, just to be on the safe side*

bigtitch From: bigtitch Date: March 24th, 2008 06:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh. Poor things.
You're really going for the pain and angst this weekend aren't you?
If I were your Connor!muse I'd complain.

More please!
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 24th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Pain and angst FTW! Besides, I can't help it if he's just too pretty when he's broken.

"If I were your Connor!muse I'd complain."

Too much hurt, not enough comfort? I'll have to see what I can do to rectify that. *evil grin*
bigtitch From: bigtitch Date: March 24th, 2008 10:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Too much hurt, not enough comfort?
Yes, in short. More comfort required. Lots of warm snuggles and schmoopy stuff - with chocolate sprinkles. I'll report you for muse-abuse otherwise!
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 24th, 2008 10:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'll see what I can do.
mysteriousaliwz From: mysteriousaliwz Date: March 24th, 2008 09:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
By coincidence, I was just reading The Substitute a few hours ago :)

Poor broken boys *sniffles*
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 24th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry. I promise I'll try to put him back in the same condition I found him in.

Actually, who am I kidding? I'm evil and I like breaking the boys. Any boys will do, but Nick and Connor especially are pretty when broken.
telperion_15 From: telperion_15 Date: March 24th, 2008 10:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
You must have felt my psychic vibes of craving for Nick/Connor fic!

But the poor boys...they're all so broken at the moment... *meeps*

Angsty wonderfulness (although I'm not sure that 'angsty' quite covers this! *g*)
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 24th, 2008 10:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad I could provide for your fic cravings. The boys demanded to be used and abused, and who was I to say no?

Sorry, I seem to be in a Connor!breakage phase at the moment. Note to self: Write some comedy Connor fluff soon, otherwise someone from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Palaeontologists might try to take him away from me.

*readies weapons*

(I said they'd *try* to take him away. I didn't say they'd necessarily suceed).
telperion_15 From: telperion_15 Date: March 24th, 2008 11:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nothing wrong with Connor!breakage - how can we huggle him better is he's not broken? Plus, they are pretty when they're broken (y'know, I think I'm going to get that put on t-shirt...or maybe a bumper-sticker... *g*)

I suddenly got this massive craving about the middle of last week for Nick/Connor fic that wasn't, y'know...written by me! *g* I really should mention these cravings to other people - that way they're more likely to be satisfied...which this more than did!

*stands with you to create a human shield around Connor*
reggietate From: reggietate Date: March 25th, 2008 10:28 am (UTC) (Link)
That's heavy stuff, but very good.

I find Nick/Connor much more believable when it's like this, or telperion_15's Nick/Connor series. I think it would be hard for Nick to make love to Connor because of the whole professor/student thing, and the fact that Helen seduced Stephen when *he* was a student under her care.

Plus, I love angst and getting the boys hurt - we are mean to them, aren't we?
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 25th, 2008 01:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I really don't normally write this kind of stuff, but this fic just wouldn't leave me alone until I'd written it.

I think the professor/student thing is less of a concern maybe in the series two universe, because they seem to have dropped that whole thing and neither of them appear to be going anywhere near the university in the slightest. But I know what you mean, it took me a long time to write Nick/Connor for exactly the same reason - until series 2 I really couldn't see the pairing at all.
byrons_brain From: byrons_brain Date: March 25th, 2008 02:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
::sniffles:: the angst... great story....
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 25th, 2008 06:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. Angst seems to have set in for the weekend. Possibly even for the week.
vivoperleix From: vivoperleix Date: April 4th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

Wow, very powerful stuff there! Great story.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: April 4th, 2008 07:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks, nice to know you liked it.
fififolle From: fififolle Date: April 6th, 2009 09:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
DAMN! That was... OH! *eep* Wow. *eep*
Brilliant, pure brilliance.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: April 6th, 2009 09:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
see what I mean about breakable? Again, nice to know you liked it.
sunsetdawn20 From: sunsetdawn20 Date: April 9th, 2009 11:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
*gasps* Fuck me that was brilliant!!! Holy Shit... That last sentence... wow.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: April 9th, 2009 11:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks. Nice to know this one still packs a punch after all this time.
knitekat From: knitekat Date: August 23rd, 2009 10:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Meep, I think one of them better say stop before its too late. Poor Connor, poor Nick. You do like breaking Connor, and now, Nick (g).
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 24th, 2009 07:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
breaking Connor? *this* isn't broken yet. Wait until you read the rest of the 'Need' series, that's not so much broken but more like battered repatedly and doing an evil dance on the broken pieces!
knitekat From: knitekat Date: August 24th, 2009 10:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I assumed it would get worse, knowing how much you like a broken Connor. Meep for Connor, though.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: August 25th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
*evil grin*
aunteeneenah From: aunteeneenah Date: March 4th, 2012 03:04 am (UTC) (Link)


This was really very painful. I'm thinking that Connor loves Nick and that's why he's doing this but OMG, how much more can he take? . . .painful
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 4th, 2012 11:06 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Need

thanks. Yep, poor Connor is doing it because he cares for Nick and wants to help, but it's at far too high a price for Connor himself, and deep down they both know it.
clea2011 From: clea2011 Date: March 25th, 2012 10:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Poor both of them. That chapter was short but very powerful.
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: March 26th, 2012 07:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I think I broke Connor (and Nick, for that matter!). Oops?
29 comments or Leave a comment